[ Man Narrating ] LAST WEEK, AS YOU RECALL,
A WEIRD ALIEN SPACESHIP HAD LANDED ON THE PLANET.
AS OUR FAMILY APPROACHED IT, THEY WERE UNAWARE THAT TWO STRANGE PAIRS OF EYES...
WERE EVEN THEN WATCHING THEIR EVERY MOVE.
I'LL GO ON AHEAD. YOU COVER ME, DON.
DO YOU EXPECT DANGER?
LET'S SAY I DON'T BELIEVE IN TAKING CHANCES.
WILL, YOU STAY BACK HERE WITH DR. SMITH.
I WONDER WHAT KIND OF HORRIBLE CREATURE...
LURKS INSIDE THAT SPACESHIP.
ARE YOU COLD? WHY DO YOU ASK?
BECAUSE YOU'RE SHIVERING.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I AM A BIT CHILLED.
SHALL WE, UH, WITHDRAW OVER THE RIDGE SO WE'LL BE OUT OF THE WIND?
I GUESS IT'S ALL RIGHT. COME ALONG.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS?
THEY MUST HAVE BEEN LITTLE GREEN MEN. OH, VERY FUNNY.
WELL, THIS HAMMOCK--
THAT LOOKS HUMAN ENOUGH.
WHAT'S THIS?
"A.P. TUCKER."
NOW, WHO COULD A.P. TUCKER BE?
AND WHAT WOULD HE BE DOING IN A SHIP LIKE THIS?
JOHN, THE DOOR!
IF YOU'RE WARM ENOUGH, WE'D BETTER GET BACK NOW, DR. SMITH.
IN A MOMENT, DEAR BOY.
ONE IS HARDLY IN ONE'S BEST FIGHTING TRIM WITH CHILBLAINS.
IN A THRICE, I SHALL BE READY TO FIGHT MY WEIGHT IN TIGERS.
OH, DEAR. AHH.
NOW, THEN. OBSERVE CLOSELY, DEAR BOY.
HANDS, FEET, BRAIN, ALL WORKING TOGETHER IN THE CLOSEST COOPERATION.
LEAD WITH THE LEFT, CROSS WITH THE RIGHT.
DANCE AWAY. JAB. JAB.
NOW FOR THE FINALE-- A LEFT HOOK,
A STIFF UPPERCUT--
UH, THAT IS YOU, ISN'T IT, WILL?
ANSWER ME, MY DEAR BOY.
THAT IS YOU, ISN'T IT?
[ Screaming ]
AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!
DON'T TRY IT, WHOEVER YOU ARE.
OH, NOW,
YOU WOULDN'T SHOOT OLD TUCKER WITH THAT THERE THING, WOULD YA?
- WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM? - WELL, DANGED IF I KNOW.
HE TOOK ONE LOOK AT ME. HE YELLED, AND RIGHT UP AND FAINTED.
DELICATE KIND OF A CUSS, AIN'T HE? STAY BACK!
OH, NOW.
YOU DON'T THINK OLD TUCKER IS GONNA HURT YOU, DO YA?
YOU ASK ANYONE ABOUT ALONZO P. TUCKER.
THEY'LL TELL YOU HE AIN'T GOT...
A SHRED OF HARM IN HIM.
- WHERE DO YOU COME FROM? - WHY, OVER THERE.
YOU WERE IN THAT ALIEN SHIP, WEREN'T YA?
WELL, NOW, I NEVER SAID I WASN'T.
[ Whistles ]
HA! YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THAT, DID YA?
NO, YOU DON'T, ME BUCKO.
NOW, YOU COME ON DOWN HERE.
COME DOWN HERE, AND LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT AHOLD OF HERE.
AH, IT LOOKS LIKE A SCRUBBY BOY.
TALKS LIKE A SCRUBBY BOY.
ACTS LIKE A SCRUBBY BOY, BUT I'LL BET YOU AIN'T A SCRUBBY BOY.
- YOU BET I'M NOT. - HA-HAH!
WHAT IS IT, NIK?
APPEARANCES TO THE MIND ARE OF FOUR KINDS.
THINGS ARE EITHER WHAT THEY APPEAR TO BE...
OR THEY NEITHER ARE AND DO NOT APPEAR TO BE...
OR THEY ARE NOT, AND YET APPEAR TO BE.
SHUT UP, YA BLASTED TIN PARROT.
ARRRGHH!
I WAS MERELY QUOTING EPICTETUS ON THE NATURE OF THINGS.
- COME BACK HERE WHERE YOU BELONG. - NO VIOLENCE?
HAVE IT YOUR OWN WAY.
AH, YA BLASTED ESPER. ASK A SIMPLE QUESTION AND YA--
HOW DID HE DO THAT?
HE'S AN ESPER, THAT'S HOW. THEY CAN DO THINGS LIKE THAT.
HOW DO YOU SUPPOSE I GOT YOUR GUN AWAY FROM YA?
- HE GOT IT? - HE GOT IT?
HOW ABOUT IT? IS IT A BOY?
A CHILD. GENUS-- HOMO SAPIENS.
POINT OF ORIGIN, THE PLANET EARTH IN THE SYSTEM OF SOL.
- HUMAN, HUH? - WHAT'D YOU THINK I WAS?
SONNY, I'VE BEEN A LOT OF PLACES...
WHERE THINGS AIN'T AT ALL WHAT THEY APPEAR TO BE.
HUMAN-- AHH.
YOU GOT A NAME, BOY? I'M WILL ROBINSON.
AH. AH. AND THIS ONE HERE?
DR. ZACHARY SMITH.
- HOW DO YOU DO? - WHY, YOU NO-GOOD...
YELLER-BELLY, PRETENDIN' ALL THE TIME.
GET ON YOUR FEET, YA LUBBERLY SWAB!
ME? ARE YOU REFERRING TO ME?
NOW, THERE. I'M LOSIN' MY PATIENCE WITH YOU, ZACH!
ZACH? INDEED.
AND I THOUGHT YOU'D BEEN HURT OR SOMETHIN'.
I MERELY FEIGNED UNCONSCIOUSNESS, MY BOY, AWAITING AN OPPORTUNITY TO--
NEVER MIND. I'LL EXPLAIN LATER.
WELL, YOU BETTER START EXPLAININ'...
EXACTLY WHERE I'M AT.
DON'T YOU KNOW? BLAST YOUR EYES!
IF I KNEW, WOULD I BE ASKIN' YOU?
IN ONE SHAKE OF A LAMB'S TAIL,
YOU'RE GONNA BE A LOT OF LOOSE MOLECULES FLYIN' ABOUT IN FORMATION...
IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME THE ANSWER.
WHERE AM I AT?
- I DON'T KNOW, SIR. - THAT DOES IT!
NO! HE'S RIGHT. HE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE.
NONE OF US DO.
YA DON'T KNOW WHAT PLANET THIS IS?
THAT'S RIGHT. WE HEADED FOR ALPHA CENTAURI, AND WE WENT OUT OF CONTROL.
- WE CRASHED HERE. - WELL, NOW.
I'LL BE DANGED.
- YOU GOT A COLONY HERE? - OH, NO, SIR.
THERE IS ONLY A SMALL PARTY OF US PRESENT ON THIS PLANET.
WELL, LET'S GO FIND THE REST OF YA.
MY DAD AND MAJOR WEST ARE BACK AT YOUR SHIP.
THEY'RE GONNA BE SAFE THERE FOR A WHILE.
GO ON! YES, SIR.
ARRGH.
MOVE ALONG THERE, ME BUCKOS.
AHH!
IS THEM THERE YOUR FOLKS?
ALL RIGHT. YOU GO DOWN THERE...
AND TELL THEM I HAVE THIS FELLA HERE.
IF THEY DO AS I WANTS, NOTHIN' WILL HAPPEN.
TELL THEM I WANTS FOOD AND BLANKETS.
AND IF THERE ARE ANY, CIGARS AND CHEESE. YOU GOT THAT?
THEN SHOVE OFF, ME BOY. IF, UH--
IF I MAY MAKE A SUGGESTION, SIR.
I REALLY SHOULD TELL YOU I'M NOT VERY POPULAR WITH THESE PEOPLE.
I MEAN TO SAY, THAT AS A HOSTAGE,
I SHOULD PROVE MOST INADEQUATE.
AH.
ANY IDEAS?
OF COURSE.
OH, NOW, YOU ARE A RASCAL.
BOY, YOU STAY HERE.
DR. SMITH WILL GO DOWN IN YOUR STEAD.
I'M SORRY, MY BOY, BUT BELIEVE ME,
IT'LL TURN OUT BETTER IN THE END.
OH, WHY, DR. SMITH. WHERE ARE THE OTHERS?
UH, THEY'LL BE ALONG DIRECTLY.
EXCUSE ME, MADAM. I HAVE URGENT BUSINESS WITH THE ROBOT. EXCUSE ME, DEAR.
NOW, LISTEN CAREFULLY.
THERE'S A VERY DANGEROUS MAN ON THE HILL WITH THE BOY.
HE'S GOING TO KILL ALL OF US UNLESS YOU KILL HIM FIRST.
THE PRIME DIRECTIVE FORBIDS TAKING HUMAN LIFE.
THE DIRECTIVE IS CANCELED. NOW, GET ON WITH IT!
THEN I WILL FOLLOW YOUR ORDERS.
BOY, YOU TAKE A LOOK AND SEE...
IF THAT THERE SMITH FELLER IS ON HIS WAY BACK YET.
BALLS OF FIRE! IT'S A MAN OF TIN!
LOOK OUT!
WHY, THAT THERE HUNK OF WALKIN' WASH BOILER!
WE'D BETTER RUN, MR. TUCKER. RUN, IS IT? [ Whistles ]
THE ROBOT'S POWER PACK. DID HE-- AYE, HE DID.
AND NOW LET'S GO DOWN THERE...
AND SETTLE SOMEONE'S HASH.
THERE MUST BE SOME CONTROL THAT OPERATES THE HATCH.
YEAH. BUT WHICH ONE?
TRY 'EM ALL. SURE, AND BLOW US UP WITH THE SHIP?
YOU GOT ANY BETTER IDEAS?
GO AHEAD. ALL RIGHT. HERE IT GOES.
[ Crashing ]
THERE YOU ARE. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
ARE YOU REALLY A PIRATE, MR. TUCKER?
AYE, LAD. HAR, HAR.
WHY DID YOU BECOME A PIRATE?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING A PIRATE?
IT'S WRONG. THAT'S ALL.
WELL, NOW. THAT DEPENDS ON WHAT KIND OF A PIRATE.
- IS THERE MORE THAN ONE KIND? - COURSE THERE ARE.
WHAT KIND OF PIRATE ARE YOU?
WELL, I'M AN HONEST PIRATE.
AN HONEST PIRATE? AYE. AIN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF HONEST PIRATES?
THEY'RE KIND OF LIKE, UH, ROBIN HOOD.
YOU HEARD TELL ABOUT ROBIN HOOD.
YOU MEAN, THEY ROB FROM THE RICH, AND THEY GIVE TO THE POOR?
COURSE WE DO.
HAVE YOU GIVEN A LOT TO THE POOR, MR. TUCKER?
OH, UH-- WELL, NOW, UH,
SORTA LIKE THIS.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR A FELLER WHO'S POOR.
I MEAN, REAL DOWNRIGHT, DIRT-POOR.
AND WHEN I FIND THIS DOWNRIGHT DIRT-POOR FELLER,
I'M GONNA MAKE HIM HAPPY WITH MY TREASURE.
YOU MEAN, YOU'VE GOT A TREASURE?
WELL, NOW, OF COURSE I GOT A TREASURE.
EVERY SELF-RESPECTIN' PIRATE'S GOT A TREASURE.
AND MINE'S AS BIG AS ANY OF 'EM.
BOY, I WISH I COULD BE A PIRATE.
I MEAN, AN HONEST ONE, LIKE YOU.
YOU WORK AT IT, MY BOY, AND ONE OF THESE DAYS YOU WILL BE.
HOW ARE THEM BEANS COMIN' ALONG?
THANK YOU, MY BOY.
JOHN. OH, JOHN, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
WHAT'S THE MATTER? WILL'S GONE. THAT TERRIBLE MAN TOOK HIM HOSTAGE.
I DID EVERYTHING I COULD TO DISSUADE HIM.
I EVEN OFFERED MYSELF IN THE BRAVE LITTLE FELLOW'S PLACE,
BUT THE ROGUE WOULD HAVE NONE OF ME.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHO TOOK WILL? TUCKER, THE PIRATE.
SURELY YOU'VE HEARD OF HIM.
ARGH. THERE, NOW.
I AIN'T HAD A BEAN LIKE THAT SINCE I LEFT PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA.
[ Yawns ]
WELL, NOW, I GUESS WE'D BETTER TURN IN.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO TIE YOU UP, I'M AFRAID. TIE ME UP?
WELL, YOU'RE MY PRISONER, AIN'T YA?
HOW AM I GONNA GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP WITH A PRISONER A-RUNNIN' AROUND LOOSE?
EVEN IF I PROMISE I WON'T RUN AWAY? PROMISES.
UNLESS, UH--
NO, NO.
NO, YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO DO THAT THERE.
EVEN IF IT MEANT THAT YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE TIED UP ALL NIGHT...
WITH MAYBE A LOSS OF CIRCULATION AND CRAMPS...
AND SICKNESS AND SUCH.
WOULDN'T WANT TO DO WHAT? TAKE THE PIRATE'S OATH.
ARGH, NO, NO.
I WOULDN'T ASK YOU TO DO THAT, NICE BOY LIKE YOU.
NO. I BET YOU GO TO SUNDAY SCHOOL, THINGS LIKE THAT,
BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM.
NO, I WOULDN'T DARE ASK YOU TO DO ANYTHING SO AWFUL...
AND SO BLOODCURDLIN' AND TERRIBLE AS TAKE THE PIRATE'S OATH.
ARGH. WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD JUST GIVE ME A LITTLE ONE.
I MEAN, A SORT OF TEMPORARY OATH, SO YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME.
WELL.
NOW, THERE-- I AIN'T NEVER HEARD...
OF A LITTLE, TINY PIRATE'S OATH,
BUT MAYBE I CAN COOK UP SOMETHING.
COURSE, IT'LL HAVE TO BE IN BLOOD.
CAN'T GET AROUND THAT. I GUESS I WON'T MIND.
WELL, NOW. HAVE YOU GOT A PIN OR SOMETHING?
IS THIS ALL RIGHT? AYE. NOW,
BY RIGHTS, IT OUGHT TO BE A CUTLASS OR A DAGGER,
BUT, WELL, THIS WILL HAVE TO DO.
GIVE ME YOUR RIGHT THUMB. THERE.
THERE. NOW, PUT YOUR THUMB AGAINST MINE.
NOW, THEN, YOU SAY AFTER ME,
I SWEAR--
BY THIS HERE BLOOD-- BY THIS HERE BLOOD--
AND ALL THE MOLDERIN' BONES...
OF EVERY PIRATE EVER TOOK THIS OATH--
AND BY THE MOLDERIN' BONES OF EVERY PIRATE THAT EVER TOOK THIS OATH--
THAT I WILL BE TRUE AND FAITHFUL TO THE ARTICLES.
AND IF I EVER BREAK THIS OATH--
I HOPE I FALL DOWN DEAD IN MY TRACKS AND ROT.
I HOPE-- ARGH!
I FALL DOWN DEAD IN MY TRACKS AND ROT.
ARGH! SO HELP ME.
S-SO HELP ME.
ARGH. GOOD BOY.
ARGH! [ Chuckles ]
NOW WE BOTH CAN GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.
YOU TAKE YOURSELF A WARM SPOT BY THE ASHES, THERE.
CAPTAIN TUCKER? AYE, MY BOY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT FOR PIRATES TO SAY THEIR PRAYERS, ISN'T IT?
WELL, NOW. I WOULDN'T HAVE A SHIPMATE...
THAT DIDN'T SAY HIS PRAYERS.
OH. OH, UH, AYE.
CAPTAIN TUCKER?
DO PIRATES HAVE TO WASH BEHIND THEIR EARS...
AND TAKE LESSONS AND MIND THEIR OLDER SISTERS?
NO, NO. COURSE THEY DON'T.
YOU KEEP A WEATHER EYE OUT, NIK.
PRETTY POLLY. [ Squawks ]
♪ BLOW THE MAN DOWN, BULLY BLOW THE MAN DOWN ♪
[ Squawks ] MAN OVERBOARD. BATTEN THE HATCHES.
[ Nik Whistling ]
WHAT'S WRONG, CAPTAIN? DON'T SAY A WORD. DON'T MOVE.
[ Spaceship Approaching ]
[ Crash ]
IT AIN'T SEEN US YET. DOWN BEHIND THAT BOULDER.
WHAT IS IT, CAPTAIN? ARGH!
WE GOTTA SCUTTLE THAT THERE THING, MATEY.
FIRST TELL ME WHAT IT IS. WHY, IT'S THE EYES AND NOSE...
OF A PARTICULAR ENEMY...
THAT HAS TRACKED ME CLEAR ACROSS SPACE.
WHAT DOES IT WANT? MY TREASURE, BOY!
THERE'S PIRATES IN THIS UNIVERSE THAT AIN'T AS HONEST AS I AM.
ROGUES AND CUTTHROATS IS WHAT THEY ARE.
THEY'LL CUT YOUR THROAT IN A MINUTE. THAT'S WHAT THEY ARE.
AND THIS ONE HERE, HE'S THE WORST.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, CAPTAIN?
MOVE AND APPROACH IT.
MOVE OUT AND GO QUIETLY, AND IT WON'T HURT YOU, BOY.
SHIP'S DISCIPLINE. FOLLER YOUR ORDERS. HAR, HAR.
YES, SIR.
[ Steady Beeping ]
- [ Electronic Warbling ] - HA, HA.
YOU ALL RIGHT, ME BUCKO? WHAT HAPPENED, CAPTAIN?
HAR, HAR! ARGH!
WE MET THE ENEMY BROADSIDE TO BROADSIDE,
AND WE BEAT HIM FAIR AND SQUARE.
NOW, YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER, THAT WAS ONLY THE FIRST ENGAGEMENT.
WE HAVE TO WALK CAREFUL FROM NOW ON. YES, SIR.
WE DON'T WANT TO WORRY ANY OF THE OTHER FOLK.
I MEAN, WE SHOULDN'T, RIGHT?
WELL, SMILE, HUH? THERE.
ARE WE WORRIED? COURSE NOT.
REPEAT AFTER ME. ARE WE WORRIED? [ Both ] COURSE NOT.
THERE. ARE WE WORRIED? [ Both ] OF COURSE NOT!
THERE. A BRAVE FRONT AND A CHEERFUL SMILE, AND OFF WE GO--
YOU BACK TO THE CAVE, AND ME...
TO NEGOTIATE WITH YOUR FOLKS.
HA, HA.
[ Nik Whistling ]
SHUT UP, YA BLASTED BIRD.
THANK YOU, ME BUCKO.
NOW, WE'LL WORK ALL QUADRANTS, USING THE SHIP AS AN APEX.
THEY COULDN'T HAVE GONE TOO FAR. SMITH!
ARE YOU READY? IN A MOMENT.
[ Whirring ] AH, HERE WE ARE.
THERE, MY METALLIC FRIEND.
YOU'RE NOW QUITE READY AND ABLE TO TAKE UP THE SEARCH FOR OUR MISSING COMRADE.
AT YOUR SERVICE, MON COMMANDANT.
HERE. THIS WILL BE YOUR SEARCH AREA.
I? YES, RIGHT THERE.
BUT SURELY YOU KNOW I PLAN TO DEVOTE ALL MY ENERGIES TO THE PROTECTION OF THE LADIES.
THE ROBOT WILL SHARE IN THE SEARCH. HE'S QUITE ACCOMPLISHED, I ASSURE YOU.
- OH, DR. SMITH. - NOT ANOTHER WORD, DEAR LADY.
DON'T THANK ME. IT'S EMBARRASSING.
YOU ARE A COWARD.
MADAM, ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I'M AFRAID TO GO ON THIS SEARCH?
ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT I WOULD REFUSE TO LAY DOWN MY LIFE...
FOR THE SAKE OF THAT DEAR LITTLE LAD, SO UNFORTUNATELY MISSING FROM OUR MIDST?
- OH, MY DEAR MADAM. - DON'T YOU "DEAR MADAM" ME.
IN THIS MATTER, I HAVE A HEART OF STEEL,
A VERITABLE HEART OF--
OH! THERE HE IS AGAIN!
OHH!
FELLER REALLY OUGHT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT HIS NERVES.
NAME IS TUCKER. AH. NOW. EASY.
THERE'S WHAT I LIKE TO SEE--
A FELLER WHAT USES HIS MIND INSTEAD OF HIS FISTS.
KIND OF A MAN A FELLER CAN BARGAIN WITH.
WHERE IS OUR SON? WHERE'S WILL?
AH, HOT, AIN'T IT?
THAT'S A FINE NIPPER YOU GOT THERE. FINE BOY.
BILL AND ME HAS GOT TO BE GREAT FRIENDS.
- IS HE ALL RIGHT? - WELL, OF COURSE.
YOU DON'T THINK OLD CAPTAIN TUCKER WOULD DO ANYTHING...
TO HARM THE LITTLE NIPPER, WOULD YA?
COURSE, IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO ME, AND I CAN'T GET BACK TO THE BOY,
HIM TIED UP AND ALL THE WAY HE IS, YOU CAN'T BLAME ME FOR THAT, CAN YA?
NEVER MIND, DON. RIGHT NOW, HE'S GOT ALL THE CARDS.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
FIX MY SHIP SO I CAN LEAVE THIS BLASTED PLANET.
WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR SHIP. YOU HAVE AN ALIEN DRIVE.
ARGH. WELL, YOU JUST COME UP WITH THE PARTS,
AND I'LL SHOW YOU WHERE THEY GO.
- WHAT ABOUT MY SON? - GETS TURNED LOOSE,
JUST AS SOON AS I'M READY TO BLAST OFF.
ALL RIGHT. HOW MUCH TIME DO I HAVE?
ARGH. WELL, NOW, SKIPPER,
TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU WANT.
TAKE AN HOUR.
- HOW DO I GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU? - WHY, ARGH,
SEND THAT THERE FELLA THERE WITH A WHITE FLAG UP ON THAT HILL.
- WON'T ONE OF US DO INSTEAD OF HIM? - OH, NO. NO, SIRREE.
YOU FELLOWS ARE LIABLE TO START FEELING BRAVE.
BUT OLD ZACH HERE-- A MAN CAN COUNT ON HIM BEIN' A COWARD.
I'LL BE WAITIN' TO HEAR FROM YA.
I'LL BE SEEIN' YA, ZACH.
NEVER SAW A MAN WITH SUCH TERRIBLE NERVES.
HE REALLY OUGHT TO DO SOMETHIN' ABOUT 'EM.
WELL-- OH, JOHN.
WE HAVEN'T MUCH CHOICE, HAVE WE?
NO, WE'D BETTER REVIVE SMITH. I THINK WE'RE GONNA NEED HIM.
AYE, THERE WAS A PLANET WE WAS ON ONCE CALLED VALERAN.
GOT PEOPLE ON THERE ALMOST AS HUMAN AS YOU AND I, EXCEPT FOR ONE THING--
INSTEAD OF BEIN' BORN, THEY WAS HATCHED FROM EGGS.
PRETTY PLACE. REAL PRETTY PLACE. HATED LEAVIN' IT.
WHY DID YOU LEAVE?
WELL, THE PIRATIN' BUSINESS THERE WAS KINDA SLOW IN THEM THERE PARTS--
THERE NOT BEIN' MUCH WORTH THE TROUBLE OF PIRATIN', THEM BEIN' SO POOR.
YOU COULD HAVE GIVEN THEM SOME OF YOUR TREASURE.
WELL, NOW, THEY-- THEY WEREN'T THAT POOR.
WILL YOU EVER SHOW ME THE TREASURE? WHY, SURE, I WILL.
WE'RE SHIPMATES, MATEY. BESIDES, YOU DID TAKE THE PIRATE'S OATH.
COURSE I'LL SHOW YOU MY TREASURE. YEAH. ONE OF THESE DAYS.
WHAT'S IT LIKE WHEN YOU TAKE A TREASURE SHIP, CAPTAIN TUCKER?
AHH! NOW! THERE'S A SIGHT FOR YA!
YOU GO TEARIN' IN THERE WITH YOUR BLASTER OUT, BLASTIN' AWAY...
AND CARRYIN' ON UNTIL THE ENEMY GIVES UP, AND THEY THROW DOWN THEIR ARMS.
AND THEN YOU MAKE 'EM WALK THE PLANK OUT THE SPACE PORT.
WHAT AILS YA, BOY?
I GUESS I'M NOT FIT TO BE A PIRATE.
I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER KILL ANYBODY.
OR EVEN MAKE 'EM WALK THE PLANK.
OHH.
EVEN... IF THEY WASN'T WHAT YOU WOULD CALL HUMAN?
I WISH I COULD SAY YES. I REALLY DO.
BUT I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER GET USED TO KILLING ANYTHING.
AH, YOU GOT A PROBLEM THERE, BOY.
I'LL TELL YA WHAT.
NEXT TIME WE GO OUT ON A PIRATE VOYAGE,
- WE WON'T KILL NO ONE. - WE WON'T?
NO. WHY, WE'LL JUST LAY ALONGSIDE, AND WE'LL DISABLE THEIR DRIVE.
THEN WE'LL BOARD THEM AND LOOT THEM OF ALL THEIR JEWELS...
AND THEIR RARE OBJETS D'ART AND SUCH.
AND THEN WE'LL LEAVE THEM WITH JUST ENOUGH GEAR...
TO MAKE THE NECESSARY REPAIRS.
THAT WAY, NOBODY'LL GET HURT.
THAT'S GREAT. I WISH WE COULD START TOMORROW.
- [ Dr. Smith ] HELLO. IS ANYBODY ANYWHERE? - THAT'S DR. SMITH.
YOU STAY HERE AND GUARD THE PLACE.
I'LL GO SEE WHAT HE WANTS. HELLO.
IS ANYBODY THERE?
OVER HERE, ZACH.
AAH! NOW, NOW, DON'T YOU START FLOPPIN' AGAIN.
I AIN'T GONNA HURT YA.
WOULD YOU MIND? OH, UH--
THANK YOU.
I AM ALLERGIC...
TO WEAPONS POINTING AT ME.
NOW, THEN. WE HAVE DECIDED TO ACCEPT YOUR TERMS.
WITH CERTAIN CONDITIONS. WHAT CONDITIONS?
THAT YOU AND THE BOY RETURN TO THE JUPITER 2...
AND MAKE YOUR HEADQUARTERS THERE WHILE YOUR SHIP IS BEING REPAIRED.
PROFESSOR ROBINSON GIVES HIS WORD...
THAT HE WILL CARRY OUT THE TERMS OF THE AGREEMENT...
AND YOU WILL NOT BE MOLESTED.
HE GIVES HIS WORD, EH?
WOULD YOU TAKE IT IF YOU WERE ME?
CERTAINLY NOT. WELL, NOW.
THAT THERE IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.
YOU GO BACK THERE AND TELL HIM IT'S A BARGAIN.
BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I ADVISED YOU TO DO THE--
[ Coughing ]
I FIGURE A FELLER CAN'T GO WRONG IF HE LISTENS TO YOUR ADVICE...
AND DOES EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE.
NOW, YOU GO ON BACK THERE BEFORE YOU GET ONE OF YOUR FAINTIN' SPELLS AGAIN.
YES, CAPTAIN TUCKER.
ARGH.
I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID TO DR. SMITH.
DOES THAT MEAN WE WON'T BE GOING PIRATING AFTER ALL?
COURSE IT DON'T. YOU AND ME IS GOIN' PIRATIN'...
JUST AS SOON AS THAT SHIP OF MINE IS FIXED.
AND DON'T YOU FORGET THAT, MATEY. AND IT AIN'T GONNA TAKE LONG.
MORE COFFEE, DEAR? THANK YOU.
THAT'S ENOUGH. [ Robot ] COMPANY IS COMING.
OH, WILL! [ Clattering ]
OH, WILL, WE'VE BEEN SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
HI, MOM, HI, DAD, DON, DR. SMITH, PENNY, JUDY.
[ Don ] HOW YA DOING? [ Penny ] WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?
SIT HERE, CAPTAIN. AYE.
DID YOU SEE THAT? WHY, HE COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT BEING HOME.
OH, NOW, TAKE IT EASY, MAUREEN. TAKE IT EASY?
THAT'S NOT OUR SON. THAT'S NOT WILL. THAT'S A COMPLETE STRANGER.
HELP YOURSELF, CAPTAIN. MOM'S A PRETTY GOOD COOK.
"PRETTY GOOD"?
WELL, IT WON'T COMPARE TO WHAT YOU'VE HAD ON THE PLANET VALERAN,
BUT IT'S FILLING. [ Laughing ]
ARGH.
THANK YOU, ME BUCKO.
TELL ME SOMETHING, CAPTAIN TUCKER.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN SPACE?
ARGH. WELL, NOW,
LET'S SEE.
WELL, WHAT YEAR IS THIS, ANYWAY?
IT IS 1998.
ARGH, 19 AND 98.
LET'S SEE. YOU TAKE THE FOUR AND SIX...
AND PUT IT OVER TO THE ONE, THERE, AND, ARGH, THERE--
MUST BE MORE THAN A HUNDRED YEAR. WHAT?
- WHAT'S THAT, AGAIN? - I SAY I'VE BEEN IN SPACE MORE THAN A HUNDRED YEARS.
LET'S SEE. UH...
IT WAS THE YEAR CUSTER GOT MASSACRED BY THEM INJUNS.
WELL, THAT WOULD BE 1876. AYE, AYE.
AYE, THAT'S ABOUT IT. MM-HMM.
THAT'S JUST ABOUT RIGHT.
YOU SEE, I WAS CROSSING THE BUFFALO, ROCHESTER,
AND PITTSBURG RAILROAD TRACKS IN PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN--
CAPTAIN TUCKER, SURELY YOU'RE AWARE THAT THE FIRST SPACESHIP DID NOT LEAVE EARTH...
UNTIL LATE IN THE 1950s.
BLAST YA! ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR, ZACH?
NO, NO. IT'S THE FARTHEST THING FROM MY MIND.
I MERELY, UH, WANTED TO PRESENT THE FACTS.
WELL, I NEVER DID SAY I LEFT EARTH...
IN AN EARTH SHIP, NOW, DID I?
WELL-- YOU MEAN, YOU WERE PICKED UP BY ALIENS?
AYE. TELLURIANS.
FINE BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHEN YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.
AND I SUPPOSE THEY PICKED YOU UP IN A FLYING SAUCER?
AYE. THEY DID. THEY SCOOPED ME UP WITH A FORCE RAY.
CRUISED AROUND, PICKING UP FOLKS ALL OVER.
THEY WANTED THEM FOR STUDY, YOU SEE.
ACCORDING TO THAT, YOU'D BE MORE THAN 140 YEARS OLD.
AYE. BORN IN 18 AND 58.
WELL, YOU'RE A VERY WELL-PRESERVED 140, CAPTAIN TUCKER.
MAY I CONGRATULATE YOU? OH, IT'S NO CREDIT TO ME, PROFESSOR.
YOU SEE, THEY KEPT US IN A TIME FREEZER ALL THE TIME,
HAULED US OUT WHEN THEY WANTED TO MAKE A STUDY.
WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH OF MY YARNIN'.
LET'S START SEEIN' ABOUT GETTIN' MY SHIP IN ORDER.
I'VE NEVER SEEN A DRIVE LIKE THIS.
WHAT'S THE PRINCIPLE OF IT? WELL, I WOULDN'T KNOW THAT.
I JUST PUSH BUTTONS TO MAKE HER GO.
WELL, NOW, OF COURSE, I CAN MAKE SIMPLE REPAIRS, BUT THAT'S ABOUT ALL.
WELL, WHAT-- WHAT HAPPENS AFTER YOU PUSH THE BUTTONS?
[ Tucker ] WHEN I PUSH THE BUTTONS?
WHY, THEN, SHE BEGINS A-SHAKIN' AND A-QUIVERIN'.
AND I BEGIN SHAKIN AND A-QUIVERIN'.
INSIDE, I MEAN, LIKE I ATE TOO MANY GREEN APPLES.
AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE GOES ZOOM, AND THE STARS GO OUT.
THEY COME BACK ON WHEN I GET WHERE I'M GOIN'.
A STARSHIP. HYPERSPACE DRIVE.
FASTER THAN LIGHT. MEASURE SPEED IN PARSECS.
WELL, NOW, YOU JUST HOLD ON, BUCKOS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, BUT WE'VE GOT A BARGAIN, REMEMBER?
WITH THIS SHIP, WE COULD GET BACK TO EARTH IN SECONDS.
- IT AIN'T BIG ENOUGH. - [ Don ] WE COULD SHUTTLE BACK AND FORTH.
THE BEST BRAINS ON EARTH COULD DISMANTLE IT AND FIND THE SECRET OF ITS DRIVE.
WE'D HAVE STARSHIPS THAT COULD REACH THE FURTHEST REGIONS OF THE GALAXY.
THE UNIVERSE! HOW 'BOUT IT, TUCKER?
WELL, NOW.
I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THAT.
WHAT'S THERE TO THINK ABOUT? WE CAN TAKE THIS SHIP.
[ John ] AND THEN WHAT? WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO RUN THIS THING.
NO, I'M AFRAID WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEAVE IT UP TO TUCKER.
ALL RIGHT, SMITH. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN STANDING THERE?
I, UH-- I ONLY JUST ARRIVED.
EXCUSE ME.
CAPTAIN.
CAPTAIN TUCKER.
NOW, WHAT IS IT YOU WANT, ZACH?
I THOUGHT WE MIGHT WALK TOGETHER.
PERHAPS EXCHANGE POINTS OF VIEW TO OUR MUTUAL BENEFIT.
AND WHAT'S THE MEANIN' OF THOSE WORDS?
I COULD MAKE YOU A VERY RICH MAN BACK ON EARTH, SIR.
WELL, NOW. WE AIN'T BACK THERE ON EARTH.
BUT YOU HAVE THE MEANS OF GETTING US THERE.
[ Nik Squawking ] GOOD HEAVENS.
[ Whirring ] WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT CREATURE?
- [ Squawking Continues ] - CAPTAIN TUCKER, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
[ Whirring ] RUN! RUN, YA BLASTED IDIOT. RUN!
CAPTAIN TUCKER, WHAT'S THE MATTER? YOU BLASTED IDIOT!
I'M ONLY TELLING YOU WHAT I SAW-- AN ENORMOUS ALIEN SPACESHIP...
WHICH SEEMED TO TERRIFY OUR PIRATE CAPTAIN HALF OUT OF HIS WITS.
YOU WEREN'T HERE AND DIDN'T SEE IT.
[ John ] WHERE IS TUCKER? [ Dr. Smith ] RUNNING FOR THE HILLS.
WE'D BETTER GET BACK TO THE JUPITER 2.
IF THERE IS AN ALIEN THREAT, WE'D BETTER SET UP DEFENSES.
ALL RIGHT. WHERE'S WILL?
WILL! WILL, WHERE ARE YOU?
OH, JOHN.
WILL?
[ Maureen ] WILL?
OH, PAIN.
THE PAIN.
CAPTAIN? CAPTAIN TUCKER?
CAPTAIN TUCKER, IS THAT YOU?
BOY! CAPTAIN TUCKER!
SHH! YOU WANT TO SCUPPER US BOTH?
GET IN HERE.
SHH!
NO. I DON'T THINK NOTHIN' FOLLOWED YA HERE.
WHAT ARE YA DOIN' OUT HERE ANYWAY?
I CAME TO FIND YOU. I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
WORRIED?
ABOUT ME?
YOU MEAN TO SAY YOU WERE AFRAID...
SOMETHIN' MIGHTA HAPPENED TO ME?
SOMETHIN' BAD?
AH. WELL, WHY WOULD YOU WORRY ABOUT ME?
BECAUSE I LIKE YOU.
BESIDES, I TOOK THE PIRATE'S OATH, DIDN'T I?
OH, THAT'S RIGHT. I DID FORGET THAT.
YOU MEAN TO SAY, YOU CAME RIGHT OUT HERE IN THE DARK, ALONE,
ON ACCOUNT OF ME?
YES, SIR. I SAID SO, DIDN'T I?
WELL, YOU TAKE YOUR FIRST REST,
AND I'LL TAKE THE FIRST WATCH.
DO AS I TELL YA.
MAYBE WE'LL YET GET OUT OF THIS HERE.
WHAT ARE WE HIDING FROM, CAPTAIN TUCKER?
WELL, I GUESS YOU'D CALL IT A THING.
IT'S FROM CYGNET FOUR.
WHAT KIND OF THING? OH. OH. ARGH.
IT'S JUST TOO AWFUL TO DESCRIBE.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST BLAST IT WITH YOUR NUCLEONIC PLANET BUSTER?
OH. OH, YES, OF COURSE.
YES, OF COURSE. MY NUCLEONIC PLANET BUSTER.
RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT. MAYBE I WILL.
YEAH, SURE. IF THAT THING TRIES TO COME IN HERE,
I'LL LET HIM HAVE IT WITH THIS HERE. [ Whistling ]
[ Whistling Grows Louder ] [ Screeching ]
[ Gasping ]
SHH. SHH. QUIET. DON'T MOVE. DON'T MOVE. SHH.
[ Rumbling, Screeching ]
OHH. OH, ME BUCKO.
OH, THAT WAS CLOSE.
WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST BLAST IT WITH YOUR NUCLEONIC PLANET BUSTER?
- IT WAS CLOSE ENOUGH. - SHUCKS. THAT AIN'T NO PLANET BUSTER--
NUCLEONIC OR ANY OTHER KIND.
WELL, WHAT IS IT, THEN?
HANGED IF I KNOW.
- YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS? - I SAID SO, DIDN'T I?
I PICKED IT UP ON CYGNET FOUR,
ALONG WITH A GREAT DEAL OF TROUBLE.
IT WAS A PRETTY PIECE, AND WHEN-- WHEN WHAT?
NEVER MIND, NEVER MIND.
I'M GONNA GET YOU BACK WITH YOUR FOLKS.
COME ON.
NOW, TUCKER, FOR THE LAST TIME,
WHAT DID YOU DO TO THAT THING, AND WHY DID IT FOLLOW YOU HERE?
I TOLD YA AND I TOLD YA. I AIN'T DONE NOTHIN'.
WHAT WERE YOU DOING ON CYGNET FOUR?
WHY, I WAS THERE ON BUSINESS. WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS?
NOW, YOU ARE THE NOSIEST PEOPLE I HAVE EVER SEEN.
NOW, LOOK, TUCKER, I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU.
NOW, WHAT DID YOU DO ON CYGNET FOUR THAT GOT THIS PURSUIT STARTED?
I DON'T KNOW, AND THAT'S THE TRUTH.
[ Humming ] DAD, I GOT IT!
EVERYBODY, LOOK!
WHAT WAS THAT? I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST STARTED THINKING ABOUT CAPTAIN TUCKER, AND IT WENT ON.
TRY IT AGAIN, SON, ONLY THINK ABOUT YOUR MOTHER AND ME.
ALL RIGHT. TRY THINKING ABOUT DON.
UH, PLEASE, DEAR BOY, TRY THINKING ABOUT ME.
BLAST YA, TRYIN' TO STEAL MY SHIP. ALL RIGHT, SMITH.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE BE CALM. THE EVIDENCE IS PURELY CIRCUMSTANTIAL.
DON, CHECK SMITH'S ROOM. ARGH.
I THINK I KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS.
IT'S SOME KIND OF FORECASTER,
AND IT SHOWS THE FUTURE OF ANYONE THE OPERATOR THINKS ABOUT.
- WELL, DARLING, THAT'S WITCHCRAFT. - NO, IT ISN'T.
IT'S SCIENCE CARRIED TO FANTASTIC EXTREMES.
THE SCIENCE OF POSSIBILITIES.
SOMEHOW THIS THING COMPUTES THE RESULTS OF PLANS IN PEOPLE'S MINDS.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,
BUT I HAD PLANS FOR TOMORROW.
THAT THING DIDN'T SHOW ANYTHING.
I KNOW.
I FOUND THIS HIDDEN UNDER THE LOCKER IN SMITH'S ROOM.
YOU HAD NO RIGHT, MAJOR.
I APPEAL TO YOUR SENSE OF JUSTICE, SIR.
SURELY EVEN HERE, I AM PROTECTED BY THE MAGNA CARTA AS WELL AS THE CONSTITUTION,
WHICH AGREES THAT A MAN'S HOME IS HIS CASTLE AND SHALL NOT BE INTRUDED UPON.
SHUT YOUR MOUTH, ZACH. YOU WERE TRYING TO STEAL MY SHIP.
NO. I ONLY INTENDED TO GO BACK TO EARTH FOR HELP.
SURE, YOU WERE. [ Guttural Growling ]
WARNING. WARNING. SITUATION DANGEROUS.
RED ALERT. RED ALERT.
CAPTAIN TUCKER!
WHAT'S THAT?
THAT'S THE THING FROM CYGNET FOUR.
JOHN?
I THINK I UNDERSTAND NOW WHY THERE WAS ONLY DARKNESS...
WHEN WILL THOUGHT OF US.
THIS IS THE END, TONIGHT, HERE. RIGHT NOW.
THERE WON'T BE ANY TOMORROWS. NOT YET.
WE'VE STILL GOT THE ROBOT.
TELL HIM TO GO OUT THERE AND TRY TO STOP THAT THING.
IT'S NO USE. WE'RE ALL DOOMED. DO IT!
COME HERE.
THAT THING OUT THERE-- WHAT IS IT?
WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT IT? CAN YOU STOP IT?
IN ORDER OF QUESTIONS ASKED--
ONE: IT DOES NOT COMPUTE.
TWO: I CAN PERFORM ANY FUNCTION...
OF AN ENVIRONMENTAL CONTROL NATURE, AS WELL AS--
I KNOW THAT. GET TO THE POINT.
THREE: SINCE ALIEN LIFE-FORM DOES NOT COMPUTE,
THIS QUESTION CAN ONLY BE ANSWERED BY TRIAL-AND-ERROR METHOD.
WELL, DON'T JUST STAND THERE. GO OUT AND TRY!
MAYBE THE FORCE FIELD WILL HOLD IT.
IT'S COMING THROUGH THE FORCE FIELD!
I'VE GOT TO GO OUT THERE! YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND!
THAT THING WANTS ONLY ONE PERSON IN HERE-- ME.
LET IT TRY TO GET ME. I'LL GIVE IT A RUN FOR ITS MONEY.
- YOU'LL BE COMMITTING SUICIDE! - THEN TRY TO STOP ME.
CAPTAIN TUCKER! COME BACK!
[ Screeching ]
- RUN, CAPTAIN! RUN! - [ Screeching Continues ]
LOOK!
IT'S GOING AWAY.
YES.
IT GOT WHAT IT CAME AFTER.
IT ONLY WANTED THE FORECASTER.
WELL, THEN, THERE WILL BE TOMORROWS FOR ALL OF US.
ARGH. GOOD-BYE, MA'AM. I HOPE I AIN'T BEEN TOO MUCH TROUBLE.
OH, THANK YOU, CAPTAIN TUCKER. AH.
[ Chuckles ] BYE, PROFESSOR.
CAPTAIN. DON.
MR. TUCKER. THANK YOU FOR FIXIN' MY SHIP.
- WE WISH WE COULD GO WITH YOU. - OH, NO.
JUST A LITTLE TOO SMALL, I'M AFRAID. WON'T ACCOMMODATE YOU ALL.
IF I RUN ACROSS ANYONE OUT THERE IN SPACE,
I'LL TRY TO SEND SOME HELP BACK.
ARGH.
WELL, THERE. SO LONG, MATEY.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO, CAPTAIN.
OH, WELL, NOW,
THAT'S AWFUL NICE OF YA,
BUT, WELL, OLD CAPTAIN TUCKER,
HE-HE'S GOT TO BE MOVIN' ALONG...
BEFORE HE WEARS OUT HIS WELCOME.
WELL, THEN, I WANT TO GO WITH YOU,
AND WE'LL BE PIRATES, LIKE WE TALKED ABOUT.
YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE THAT THERE ABOUT...
ME BEING A PIRATE AND THINGS, DID YA?
SHUCKS. I AIN'T NO PIRATE.
WHY, BACK THERE IN PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA,
WHERE I USED TO LIVE BEFORE I WAS PICKED UP BY THEM TELLURIANS,
TAKEN UP INTO SPACE,
THEY JUST THOUGHT OF ME AS THE TOWN NUISANCE.
THAT'S ALL. I WAS JUST THE PLAIN OLD TOWN NUISANCE.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE TREASURE AND EVERYTHING?
TREASURE? WHY, THERE AIN'T NO TREASURE.
NEVER WAS ANYTHING OF THE SORT.
LISTEN-- DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH?
I WAS NOTHING MORE THAN A PETTY THIEF ALL MY LIFE.
THAT'S ALL I WAS. AND THAT'S THE TRUTH.
NOW, YOU JUST STOP YOUR BLUBBERIN' AND GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS,
AND DON'T YA BE BOTHERIN' ME.
[ Sniffles ] ARGH.
WELL, ER-- WELL, I-I JUST THOUGHT...
I HAD TO DO THAT FOR THE BOY.
WE UNDERSTAND. THANK YOU.
SO LONG, EVERYONE. ARGH.
BYE, CAPTAIN. GOOD-BYE.
WILL YOU GET OFF YOUR BACK, SMITH, AND GIVE US A HAND?
[ Dr. Smith ] VERY WELL.
COME ON. HURRY IT UP.
YOU KNOW I HAVE A DELICATE BACK, MAJOR. [ Groans ]
WILL, I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD BREAKFAST. IT'S GONNA BE A LONG, HARD DAY.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME GETTING HUNGRY, DAD.
ALL I THINK ABOUT WHEN WE'RE DRILLING FOR DEUTRONIUM...
IS WE GOT ENOUGH FUEL FOR OUR LIFTOFF.
FOR WHICH YOU WON'T BE PREPARED IF YOUR BODY FUEL IS INADEQUATE, MY DEAR BOY.
PERSONALLY, I ALWAYS HAVE A HEARTY BREAKFAST.
I KNOW. YOU ATE WHAT I LEFT.
WASTE NOT, WANT NOT.
WELL, I BETTER GET THIS SIGN UP. IT MAY BE TOO LATE ON THE WAY BACK.
[ Don ] GOOD IDEA.
I WON'T BE LONG.
[ Hissing ]
[ Gasping ]